Well. This is awkward.

It feels kind of like the first few minutes you see your mother in law for the first time after you had that little "disagreement".

Oh come one. Don't act like you don't know.

I won't make excuses.  I have come back a hundred times.  Of course it's all been in my head so it doesn't matter.  A lesson we learn here - a lot -  is, it doesn't matter what our intentions were, it matters what happened.  So what happened?  Well, I guess I quit.

There have been a few changes.

We changed church denominations. A big ol' deal down here. So we indeed are weirder than ever before. Which works out well for you.

We moved. And subsequently inherited a 90 year old. This also works out well for you.

My husband had a tumor. Pituitary to be exact. That had to be removed. Do you know how they do that?? Yuh. Out of your head. Like brain. Like craniotomy. Brain surgery. It was kind of a big deal. I'm really not sure if this works out well for you. There really wasn't anything funny about it. Except for when the pretty male nurse got peed on. So in the end, I guess it works out well for you.

My daughter may or may not have a very mild form of cerebral palsy that caused her to have to get casts on both legs for a couple of months. It may have also caused her to knock over a pretty big display in the aisle at Publix while driving a motorized wheelchair but hey, whatever.

We've decided to try to pursue adoption from the foster care system. Certainly this will work out well for you.

I still like to tell a good story, I still like to hear people laugh, and I still don't mind if it's at my own expense. Of course that's not saying I do any of those things well. I'm just saying I like it.

So here I am. I'm going to try it. Maybe. Hopefully. Lord willing. I mean who can know? I'll let you know tomorrow. Or in a couple of days. Well, just don't wait up.

Most longingly-

Okay, I know I am the worst ever. Trust me on this. Seriously, we still have no computer which is driving me crazy because it only consists of buying a little cord thingy and we just haven't done it. It's a busy time of year for me and I just don't think about it until I am missing you all so much I don't know what to do.


Yesterday we saw some girls at the grocery store that maybe were a little less dressed. Okay, okay, they were completely hoochified. So anyway, Schyler said, "Those girls have more hair than they have clothes on."

Where in the world does she get stuff like that??

Also, I should back track and tell you that I didn't come up with the summer rules. A friend emailed that to me. Proper credit you know.

So anyways, can't chat even though I have so much I want to tell you. I have to go home and finish my bread n' butters.

Rules for Summer

Well, I'm just going to tellya', it's been rough seas here at the Happiness Household. Can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm pretty sure I could send a therapist's kids to college on the things rambling around in my brain right now.





I haven't been here in a while because #1. I should probably strive to keep my mouth shut as much as possible during times such as this (a quality that does not come natural to me during ANY kind of times) and #2. my house got hit by lightning and the cord to my computer got fried.





So when you are borrowing a computer you know you just can't post like you should. Until I can put together something that makes sense I will leave you with some summer rules to help keep you from having grocery store feet -


Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again...

For sandals and open toe shoes

Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me:




I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:


1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hangover and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

2. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.



3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

5. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend/co-worker/mother/sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

6. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it -- no matter how much it hurts.



7. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

8. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

10. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/co-worker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

11. I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

12. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $20.00 and get an even better one.

Gold Rush

After making a trip to what we down here call going to town, I can decisively and most definitively tell you two facts:

1. You can't go anywhere without blaring music and
2. I am tired of seeing girls pull their too short shorts out of goodness knows where.

For Christmas, someone very nicely gave my daughter a gift card to a clothing store. Yes, for Christmas and yes we just now used it. Going to town is a long way okay.

I can not tell you how quickly you realize how tired, hungry, thirsty, and especially annoyed you are when you are inundated with music so loud you can not even make a rational thought. It's hard enough for me to make a rational thought in silence.

Listen, mothers. If you are going to insist on buying your full size daughters shorts from the toddler section, at least teach them some manners. Like not getting out of the car and hiking their leg up so they can dig them out of the uncharted territories of their inner selves. It's gross and I don't know if you can tell, but I'm a little fed up with it.

You can try to look away, but everywhere you turn there is someone digging for gold.

Well, sorry, there's my weekend rant. I expect to see vast amounts of improvement on this particular subject by Monday (read: we'll be staying home).

Wanted: A right heart.

Am I crying tears of repentance?

Or tears of manipulation?

Do I desire God's will?

Or do I desire to get out of the consequences of my sin?

Am I seeking meekness (not weakness), which produces contentment, or murdering with my thoughts?

Oh dear, dear, dear.

I told my pastor today that I would like for him to stop talking solely to me in church, there's got to be someone else he could talk to for a change. After all, I go to church to feel good about myself, not to be convicted, right?

I hope all of you were as uncomfortable and convicted as I was at church today. Oh, I mean not in a bad way, I would never want anyone to suffer as much as me...was that convincing? *palm to head*will I ever get it* but seriously because God's Word cuts to the quick and Jesus chastens those He loves.

We've turned into thieves.

We did it!! We robbed the bees!! And by we, I mean my husband. My job was to be documentarian. Hey, it was helpful.






We had to wait for a while to get the smoker going good, so we entertained ourselves with this cicada. He was just out of his shell and couldn't fly yet.

Ahhhh. Got the smoker going good. Nothing like having a bunch of drunk bees on your hands. My husband's a cop, though. He knows how to handle drunks.

Oh. Sorry about this one. This is when I dropped the camera after a bee got stuck in my hair.

Yum-a-licious. This is dark because it is a corner of the hive with bee bread and pollen and stuff still in it. I ate it and it was gooood. And my eyes weren't so swollen this morning, so maybe it helped my allergies.

Here comes my honey with the honey. Just look at him! SO manly!

Oh good grief! Forget the man! Look at all that honey!! Mmmmmmmm.

B-E-A-Utiful!!

Oh yeah, it was worth it. I think you can tell. I can not even tell you how good honey is straight from your own hive.

In the process of straining out the comb. And the dead bees. There were a few casualties.

How lovely is that??!! We got a few quarts and several pints. If I tell you again how yummy it is would that be overkill? I can't help it! It is SO yummy!!

Things that make me happy.

#1. My daughter wanted to know what it would be like to be a "brown girl"...so she colored herself with a brown marker.





















#2. I guess she wanted to know what it would be like for her cousin to be an evil cartoon character.

#3. My outdoor kitchen.

#4. Our rain harvesting system.

#5. My girl cooking homemade potato chips.

#5 Weeding the garden.

#6. Growing vegetables I've never eaten before.

#7. Tomatoes!!!

#8. Rain.

#9. A beautiful parting sky.

#10. My blog buddies. Thank you for the advice on mineral deficiency. I have read some about the molasses and have also been looking into a type of sugar called rapadura. I love that God is in the (what we consider) little things. It's my fave.

As a matter of fact, thank you for all of your writings. Thanks for persevering and writing good stuff. Especially when less than stellar bloggers like me are clogging up the waves!